You're still just little.

Tonight you had a little nightmare.  You had only been asleep for just over an hour and all of a sudden, your screechy wail came across the monitor.  I stilled, muting the tv, to listen, wondering if you'd just soothe yourself.  You didn't.  I went up to see you and you were standing at the end of your crib, salty tears streaming down your cheeks, holding your arms out to be held.  

I scooped you up, murmuring into your hair that it was ok. I changed your diap because, well, it needed it and thought maybe that's why you woke up.  But you pointed to the rocker and tucked your head under my chin.  We sat in the chair together, rocking.  I sang Hush, Little Baby, because that is always the song that soothes you.  I felt your warm little body relax against me.  You had your arms around my neck, hugging tight.  I stood up to bring you back to your crib and you said quietly, "No.  Stay in chair."  

So we rocked some more.  Why is it, in times like these, I cannot recall my repertoire of songs?  The only other one I could think of was You are my Sunshine, which Gramma used to sing to me.  I could hear you breathing softly against my neck.  You smelled of pears.  You had them for dessert tonight. 

Finally, I shifted you.  You drew your head back and said a small "hi".  I smiled and you grinned back.  I asked if you were ok, and you said yes.  I asked if you were ready to go back to night night...you shook your head.  I whispered that Pooh and Giraffe and all your 'friends' are soooo sleepy and waiting for you.  You nodded.  I kissed your nose and wiped the last of your tears and lay you gently back down.  

"Night, night sweet boo", I call softly as I go to the door.  
"Nigh, nigh, mom-mom," you sleepily answer. (You've been calling me mom-mom lately.)

Tiptoeing back down the stairs, I remember that you're still just so little, and that you still need me.  You act like a big kid.  You like to play with the big kids.  You're a budding independent and you don't like to hold my hand much.  You want to do everything yourself. And I know that's how you're learning. 

But in the darkened glow of your night-lit room, with your little voice and arms reaching out for me, I relish in the fact that you're still just little and you need me.  You're not a baby anymore, but still you need me to hold you tight, sing you lullabies, and wipe your tears.  You truly are my sunshine. Time goes too fast.  I wish you could stay this little forever.  I wish I could always scoop you up, fold you into my lap and hug you close.  You're still just little.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine,

you make me happy, when skies are gray...

You'll never know, dear, how much I love you...

Please don't take my sunshine away...

Goodnight...sleep tight...